Diabetes sucks. Plain and simple.
When it comes to diabetes, it is so easy to fall into a downward spiral of negative thinking. Diabetes can be all consuming in the mind - everyday/all day. When I wake up - I think about my diabetes, I sit at my computer - I think about my diabetes, I watch TV - I think about my diabetes, I work out - I think about my diabetes, I eat or drink anything, I think about my diabetes. I am never not thinking about my diabetes, whether it be consciously or subconsciously. Feeling all the feels alone can be detrimental to your mental state and I know this.
It is also very easy to get lost in your head and get bogged down by the millions of questions that may fog your mind - Why me? Can't I for one second just eat this without having to think about how many carbs this is and how much insulin I need to take? Why is my sugar so high? Why is my sugar so low? Why? Why? Why? At times, this can become mentally and physically debilitating.
Thinking back to my first few years with type 1 diabetes, the song ‘Let it Go’ comes to mind. When Queen Elsa (for all you Disney fans) says ‘Conceal, don’t feel, don’t let them know,’ I felt that. I too felt that I needed to conceal my diabetes and not let people know what I was feeling or currently going through. I guess I was insecure with myself, so I hid my diabetes from most people and internalized a lot of my emotions. I didn’t have to but I felt that it was easier just to keep these things to myself. What I didn’t realize at the time was doing that to myself really took a toll on my mental state and my overall diabetes management.
When I finally came into myself and embraced my diagnosis with a new perspective (which took a few years), I was able to be more open with myself and with others.
Do I want to count carbs and calculate the amount of insulin I need every time I eat? No, but I have definitely become an expert carb counter and mathematician.
Do I want to test my blood sugar or continuously check my CGM for BG readings? No, but I have learned the ins and outs of how my body reacts to certain foods and activities, so you can say I have become a scientist.
Do I want to wear a medical device 24/7? No, but I am thankful for the amazing technology that didn't exist a short time ago and you can say I have become one with technology.
Instead of being insecure about having diabetes, I was able to focus my time on letting people know that diabetes is a part of me. My initial insecurities about wearing a device dissipated when I realized that my insecurities are what make me beautiful. Being confident in my own skin has made me a stronger, more positive woman.
Changing my mindset has helped me to shift the negative thoughts I had to be more positive. I was able to have better control over not just my diabetes management but over life in general! From the wise words of Queen Elsa ‘Well, now they know - Let it go!,’ I was able to be more open with my diabetes and not feel so embarrassed to pull out my meter to test my blood sugar or my pump to bolus for a meal or to rock my pump & CGM in a bikini.
Shifting my mindset was half the battle in helping to make diabetes suck a little less. It is still okay and normal to have those negative thoughts but it is important to minimize those negative thoughts and really focus on how you can make a sucky situation, a little less sucky!
Embrace the ‘suck’ and go on with your bad self!